I Have Issues

But you know, I'm pretty much ok with them.

This weekend I got a little OCD on myself. I wish I could just do nothing. I remember the days when I really had too much going on - work, school, internship - and now I just create busy time for myself. Why can't I just veg out?

Whilst sitting on the couch in front of the tv (again) on Sunday morning, I was cleaning the dust out of my hairbrush with tweezers. The dust has been driving me crazy and it was satisfying to do this task. That's really weird, huh?

I also transferred a ton of recipes from printed out paper from the internet to index cards. It had to be done. It was a project that was driving me crazy. Was it time sensitive, yeah, no not at all. Will I need those recipes soon? Am I entering a cook off? Are supermarkets closing down? Yeah no.

Rhonda and I were supposed to spend some time on Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday together. We did not. We hung out yesterday morning. Then Savory Man and I went for a walk. So that's ok, right? Humor me.

Savory Man and I also went to the MSPCA yesterday because while we have a small mouse problem (it's both a small problem and a small mouse), it got a little over the top yesterday when I SWEAR a mouse scurried across my foot when I was making scrambled eggs. A cat would solve this problem. So would a trap. But for my mother's sake, I am willing to entertain the cat idea.

The whole cat thing is clothed in layers of different feelings. I grew up with cats and loved them. When my sister and I left the house for our own adventures, my parents started amassing cats. It's like they reproduced asexually or something. Everytime I came to visit there would be one more cat. I tried having a cat at my first apartment in South Boston for a little while but it was too needy and I couldn't deal with needy at that time in my life. I don't know if I'm over that stage and would hate to adopt a cat if I'm not and won't give it the right attention. I was scared of going to the shelter too. I was afraid I would fall in love with all of them and feel bad for them. I kind of did feel bad for them (and damn that Sarah McGlaughlin how do you spell her name commercial where they show all those sad animals I just can't watch that commercial)but I expected there to be at least one I fell in love with...and I didn't. So I don't know. The mice aren't really dirty and I'm not really afraid of diseases or anything. Both of my downstairs neighbors have cats so it makes sense that the mice come to the third floor where they can get away with mayhem. I'm sure the people on the bottom floors are also not making delectable banana bread all the time.

So I don't know. What are your thoughts?

I also have this other issue. It's the drawer. There is this woman in my department (which is all women for the record and we celebrate anything there is to celebrate with a potluck. Someone also brings food to every staff meeting and there is always something in the community area to share) who has this drawer, I should take a picture, filled with cookies, candy, and chips. She just refills it and refills it. Many days it's just too hard to resist. But what woman who puts in so much time with her virtual personal trainer needs Cheeze-Its at 10 am? Or 4 peanut butter cookies at 230? Why cannot I not say no to the drawer?

I was lamenting the drawer this morning because I feel like even though I was right on the game with Rhonda last week, I had zero self control at work. At home I don't snack at all because I don't buy snack food. Period. I eat good portions and that's it. But at work, I'm a disaster. B has suggest the 100 calorie packs to just get the need to eat a sweet or salty out of my system; my mother recommends a banana. Both good ideas. Seriously not brain surgery though. And neither is will power. Just don't go there. I mean, it's not my office and her door is usually shut. Just stop it.

I saw pictures of myself from a year ago and think how lovely it would be to look that way even though I wasn't thrilled with myself then either. I don't use it as a crutch or as an excuse but I know that making more than one change at a time historically does not work for me. So the big exercise machine purchase was #1. The not snacking at work has to be #2 and they have to go together. My sister has lost an amazing 40 pounds. I want to be spare tire-less for the summer and want new work clothes. So I just need to knock it off and no one can do anything about it but me.