The existentialist in me

...is back. It comes and goes. I feel like it's not fair that not everyone has to spend this much time wondering whey they're on earth and what it is they're supposed to do while they're here. Why is this my burden?

I do have to say, for the record, that one of the worst things you can say to someone, about anything, a job, a living situation, a relationship, an accomplishment, a failure...is 'you can do so much better' or better yet 'you deserve better'.

For the sake of argument, I can understand that perhaps due to the effort a person has put into said accomplishment, job search, relationship or perhaps to life in general that the person making such a comment could feel it speaks to the good characteristics and worth they see in that person. But really what saying this does is create a defense and a hurt. A hurt is not understandable because said person probably thinks that he has tried the best he can with what he knows and with what he has and that clearly, by saying this to him, you are telling him that what he has done, isn't enough; That he is now letting you down even though he is trying to live his life the best way he knows how.

Maybe I'm over-dramatizing.

The 'you can do so much better' is no less hurtful. This creates a similar defense and says, you are not enough, you're not doing enough, and you make poor choices. In my experience, people who say these things know only superficially about what they are judging. They may know the person well, but do not know the person's situation as well. If they did, I don't think they'd be so quick to use such a tired and thoughtless line.

I understand that these things are said out of love, but I don't think they're respectful, thoughtful, or creative (therefore, not really falling into the 'love' category). I think if you are trying to help a person and/or make them feel better that there are more respectful, thoughtful, and creative ways to do it. These ways take more effort and more time to thoughtfully construct. My experience is that they are more effective, more thought-provoking when received, and don't create the same defense.

I ask you all to think these things through when you feel strongly and would like to make a point with someone.